Hi! Many of us in the alt.stupidity
newsfroup like to cook. Here is my collection of some of our recipes.
All comments are the shefs unless they're in those little
letters that are slanted like this. Those are mostly mine.
Unless noted otherwise, that is.
Noted Otherwise: I'm now adding recipes from the alt.smouldering.dog.zone group. They are a nice bunch of people with whom those of us in the alt.stupidity.spatch froup have established diplomatic ties. (For more information, see the alt.stupidity.spatch FAQ.)
Baked French Onion Soup
Crispy Chunks O' Ramen
Crockpot Chile Verde
Duck Soup
Eggs Schmenedict
Eggy, Eggy Pie
Fruit Cake
Hot Crunchy Bread
Kick-Ass Salad Dressing
Lutefisk!
Marconi & Cheese
Norske Blubber
Norwegian Brown Cheese Sandwich
Nuked Keylime
Peanut Butter Surprise
Salmon Cheese Casserole
Smashed Potatoes
Socks
Tortilla Delight
TRUE YETI
Yummy New Treat!
Yo, Bill! There isn't a place to "submit" on your web page! Recipes, Bill, recipes. Anyhow, here's mine for Baked French Onion Soup.
- Ingredients -
I'm kidding!!!
Janet
This (David Futrelle's Tortilla Delight) reminds me very little of Spatch's Crispy Chunks O' Ramen recipe:
These are Ramen noodles in their inert state.
1 onion 1 green bell pepper 4 garlic cloves 2 tablespoons olive oil 1 four ounce can diced green chilis 4 jalapeno chili peppers 6 large tomatillos and 1 very small one 3 pounds pork sirloin 1 bacon 2 teaspoons oregano 2 teaspoons sage 1 teaspoon cumin 1 teaspoon (or about 2 packets of Pizza Hut) crushed red pepper 1 can defatted chicken broth 1 six-pack of Budweiser longnecks Wait until at least 9pm. Coarsely chop onion and bell pepper. Chugabeer. Mince garlic. Saute onion, bell pepper, and garlic in olive oil. Throw into crockpot. Chugabeer. Add can diced green chilis to crockpot. Dice jalapenos and add to crockpot. Chugabeer. Remove husks from tomatillos, coarsely chop, add to crockpot and chugabeer. Cube pork, chugabeer, brown pork and toss into crockpot. Add spices, chicken broth, 1/2 bottle of beer and chugahalfabeer. Feed bacon to dog. Set crockpot on low and cook overnight. Skim fat from the top in the morning and feed to cat. Take pot to office, plug back in, set on low for two hours, and feed to strangely dressed co-workers. -- "Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete stangers to kill again." - TV listing for the "Wizard of Oz" in a Marin, CA newspaper.
1. Throw a duck into a pot of water.
o^o
U ---- Quack
_|_
___/___\___
\ _____ /
/ \
/ \
( )
\ /
\ /
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2. With a match, light the gasoline-soaked logs and boil
for a couple of hours.
@^@
U ---- ACK!
_|_ //
___/___\___ //
\ _____ / //
/ \ ( //
/ \ )//
^( `' ^ ` ^ )/ O/
\ ^\\^|/ '`^ /|/\`
`/\|//|\/\/\/^^\^\
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
+^+
U ----- croak
3. Turn off the fire and throw out the duck._|_
/ \
. . /| |\
. / | | \
. /| /
. SWISH! / \_/
. / /
. . |/ |/
.
___________
\ _____ /
/ \
/ \
( )
\ /
\ /
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4. Duck Soup!
(.) (.)
.|.
_ _
|_________|
\_____ _/
{_}
!
!
! _____ \
___________ (___ \ \
\ _____ / _____/ \______\
/ \ (___
/ \ (____
( ) (___ ___________
\ / (________/
\ /
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Easter breakfast at the Quarantine Diner: Poached eggs atop ham atop toasted leftover waffle with some melty cheese on top and oh hey you now have Eggs Schmenedict
Waffles were toasted with some maple rock candy that we carved out of the bottom of the liquid-empty syrup jug which helped the flavor in a classier-than-a-McGriddle way but were still super crunchy. But do notice how this does not seem to have detracted from the experience and the experiment too much.
Also my poached eggs weren't photogenic to say the least but hey the yolks held until you decide to break 'em and THAT'S WHAT COUNTS FRIENDS, THAT'S WHAT COUNTS.
Here is Pitchar's favourite recipe for fruit cake.
You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four
large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a
teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a
bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the
electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add
one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off
the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup
of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck
in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups
of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the
lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar
or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the
whisky again and go to bed.
--
This program posts news to thousands of machines throughout the entire civil-
ized world. Your message will cost _\|/_ the net hundreds if not thousands
of dollars to send everywhere. Please {@ @} be sure you know what you are doing
===================================ooO=(_)=Ooo=================================
Keep a cool and have a good Weekend!
Replace steps 2 and 3 with: Leave bread on radiator overnight.
MMMM tasty!
HOW TO MAKE KICK-ASS SALAD DRESSING
What you'll need:
- Ingredients -
get: wisk; wisk broom; WISK detergent; a spatula (the kind you
cook with, not the kind you engage in witty (sometimes)
reparte; meat thermometer, ampitheater themometer, 4 band
aids, no m's, no boogers; an elevator expense account; a
nine-inch random bell sucker; four thoughtless release
extenders; a fragarch rocket and fragarach rocket battery
pack; 4 sticks dynamite, semANtec explosive, swiss army
butter; mom total internal fruvous pick-up (12-volt);
grape-flavored dirt devil canonizer; and a worrisome badger
prong. No menus, please.
RECIPE TO FOLLOW!!!111
-- Gesundheit.
Norwegians and Swedes has eaten lutefisk for ages, but not as much and as often as now. In some groups it has almost become a kind of cult-food, there are groups that only works for lutefisk, and resturants are selling more and more of it now, towards xmas. And "everyone" has an opinion of what the best things served to the fish is.
We just say, choose to eat it with lefse, with mandel- or ringerikepotatoes, with green beans, purert or stuffed. Use mustard of the kind you like most, choose ribb- or baconfat, whitesauce or mustardsauce, as you wish. Add maple or brown cheese with the 2'nd serving - or whatever you might want. The most important thing is that the fish is well tasting. Atleast that is my opinion.
Use 400-500g lutefisk and 1/2ts salt for each person. Sprinkle the fish. If you want the fish to be extra solidated, then put it in fresh water for a couple of hours.
1 kilo of lutefisk and 2 ts salt.
Put the lutefisk in a round form, made for microwave ovens. Place the tickest piece on the edge. Have salt and pepper over it. Use full effect on the micro for 10-12 minutes. Turn the form halfway during the cooking. The fish must rest for 5 minutes after beeing cooked. Remove the water in the bottom.
Spatch's comments are shown in red.
At this moment,
Yeah?
I'm nuking a Stouffer's® Marconi & Cheese something-or-other
Yeah??
(20 oz size).
YEAH?!?!???
Then I'm going to eat it.
MY GOD! YOU WILD MAN, YOU! YOU GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF!!
og ha
det i eggedosisen under kraftig omrøring. Sikt til sist melet i. Stek
dem
som
norskeblubber.
Try a slice on some nice rye bread, with good butter between. Also nice on toast or knekkebrød. Do not combine with caviar, seafood (except lutefisk, which is a thing), or other protein.
(Alternate recipe - Bill Wilkinson - 21 Sep 2019 - Facebook)
I didn't have any rye bread, so I used wheat smeared with low cholesterol fake butter. Also, I didn't have any Norwegian cheese, so I subbed with chipotle-flavored Montery Jack. I didn't have any of that other stuff, so slapped on some chipotle peppers soaked in adobo sauce. Then I nuked it for 31 seconds and ate it. YUMMY!Go on! Try it! You'll like it...honest...seriously...really..i kid you not...
Hello, my dear stupidians. Today, I'm coming to you from inside Bill Wilkinson's microwave. There is a Stouffer's (R) Marconi [sic] & Cheese something-or-other beside me. It's been getting really hot in here, and I can't think too clearly. I'm not really sure what's going on. My skin is getting extra crispy and my blood is beginning to boil. I must be getting the flu. Anyway, I hope Bill doesn't mind that I ate his Mac & Cheese. It wasn't very good. He should stop buying those generic brands.
Oh boy, I'm really sweating up a storm in here. This is getting unbearable. My left leg just melted. Someone tell Bill to let me outta here. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
ingredients:
A tastey reciped made from stuff on hand.
Ingredients
Comments
This tastes awful. Next time, I'll try it withuot draining the fish juice.
If you take a bag of potato chips and add some water, then run over it a few times with your car, you get mashed potatoes. Well, not really mashed potatoes, mainly just some soggy potato chips smeared on the road, and they taste really bad, but maybe no one will notice.
Try this fun and simple recipe!
You'll need:
Directions:
1. Take the old socks and put them aside for now. They are disgusting
and should not come into contact with food -- that would be
unsanitary.
2. Taste a crouton. Is it good? Then put the rest of the croutons in
your mouth and chew them up good . Spit the mixture into a cup and
put it aside with the old socks. It's really disgusting.
3. Mix the beef and milk. Ha, ha! You have a reconstituted cow!
ANother thing you can do is mold the beef into the shape of a cow,
and put a straw through the cow's midsection. Then pour the milk
into the top of the straw so it comes out of the bottom of the
cow! Ha, ha - the cow's giving milk!
3. Go get the crouton-saliva mixture and the socks. Put the socks
on the table. Hold the doilie firmly in your hands. Put the
pasty croutons back into your mouth, and spit them onto the
doilie. Then strain them through the doilie into pretty patterns
on the socks.
4. Throw everything away, it's a big disgusting mess.
-- Gesundheit.
Ok, so here's a recipe for David's Tortilla Delight, which I am eating right now!
--DF
This is the Official Drink of alt.stupidity.
You'll Need:
Don't try this at home! Unless you want to!
Bleu Cheese & Curds Soup^H^H^H^HPasta Sauce
Yummmmmmmmmmy!
-- "Oh, to be in England now that April's there" --RB My opinions are mine. All mine. Replete with very me.
I gonna be sick!
The above recipes are Copyright © 1995, 1996, 2000, 2005, by the individual authors. Many of these people are high-powered lawyers, writers, green grocers, and other people of evil repute. So you'd better thnik twice before deciding to rip them off and not cutting them in on a big chunk of the action.